Why is sleep so easy to come by come 7 am. A sleepless night, tossing and turning, over thinking, heart racing. By the time the children wake I'm just about ready to sleep again. I try not to nap. In the hope that by the night I will sleep. No joy though.
Today I will try to keep busy. I plan to clean out the pets, hoover and wrap some presents. That's my goal. My challenge. My experiment. Someone once told me to think of challenge as an experiment. There's no failure in an experiment. Just results. Either expected or unexpected. So today my experiment is to do some housework and try not to nap.
My hypothesis is that I will not be motivated to do that. I will turn on the TV and fall asleep on the sofa. Waking having wasted another day.
How do you get better? How do you recover? Do you suddenly wake with hope? Do you feel differently? Do you just notice after it has happened? What is recovery? Is recovery real? How long does recovery take? Is it even possible? How will I know what recovery looks like? Why does it take so long? So long I gave up hope. What do I need to do now? To end this nightmare forever. I don't know how much longer I can bear this. How can I continue? To face another day. It feels like this will never end. They say it happens slowly. That recovery is possible for me. Do they really know that? Can it really be true? Is recovery possible? Is there a flicker of hope? Or is it just a fairy tale that's not truth? Each day that passes by, Hope slips further away. I feel this is life forever. The tunnel light seems dimmer. No hope, no light, just darkness forever more. I cannot see past this. The pain overwhelms me. I'm deep in a pit of despair. Recovery is a ...
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