I couldn't live in limbo any more. I sent the letter. I think this is it. It really is over. I'm not sure how I feel. I'm really sad. I don't know if it was the right decision. It is at least a decision. One under my control. The weight of responsibility lies heavy on me but it's a starting point for what life could look like.
I'm still anxious. Obsessively checking emails. I don't know if there will be an answer at all. I'll have to have a time when silence will be answer enough.
I still feel a shadow of myself. I cannot imagine a new life but I cannot live waiting to grieve for an old life which would never return.
New things are tricky for our family. Three introverts and a boy who dearly loves his church family. Perhaps this is selfish of me. Perhaps we should carry-on on the edge of the fellowship.
Perhaps this is an opportunity. Perhaps God's purpose has been revealed. Perhaps He wants us somewhere else. I just don't know.
Lord I pray you use this situation to bring you glory and for us to do your will in accordance with your plans for us. Please help us work through this as a family. Please show us where you want us to be and let us be willing to listen. Amen.
How do you get better? How do you recover? Do you suddenly wake with hope? Do you feel differently? Do you just notice after it has happened? What is recovery? Is recovery real? How long does recovery take? Is it even possible? How will I know what recovery looks like? Why does it take so long? So long I gave up hope. What do I need to do now? To end this nightmare forever. I don't know how much longer I can bear this. How can I continue? To face another day. It feels like this will never end. They say it happens slowly. That recovery is possible for me. Do they really know that? Can it really be true? Is recovery possible? Is there a flicker of hope? Or is it just a fairy tale that's not truth? Each day that passes by, Hope slips further away. I feel this is life forever. The tunnel light seems dimmer. No hope, no light, just darkness forever more. I cannot see past this. The pain overwhelms me. I'm deep in a pit of despair. Recovery is a ...
Comments
Post a Comment