I am nothing.
Worthless.
My internal voice repeats it over and over.
You are nothing.
How can you be worth anything if your children aren't enough to keep you alive.
How can you be anything if you put your husband through this.
How you have treated people you called your friends the way you have.
They've turned away.
Selfish.
You are nothing.
You aren't worth anyone's time.
Just hurry up and do it.
Save everybody time and worry.
You are nothing.
Pretty much exactly 5 months after my last church attendance I returned today. Since my last time I had only seen 3 people from the congregation face to face. People who live in my town. Who I've seen at least twice a week for years, I'd seen so few of them. Children had grown. Newborn babies now starting to move. Barely bumps now earth side. There were a few new faces too. We decided to go today because we had been invited for Sunday lunch by a couple from church. The sweet, kind hearted, godly doctor who was on duty the weekend I was first taken to hospital. I didn't give myself a choice this morning. I'd set up an excuse not to go for lunch already. Our car was broken. It was true, it was, but I knew it would be fixed in time to go. So I got up and we went. I'd spoken with my counsellor about not feeling it was my home any longer. That I wasn't part of the fellowship anymore. That physically I didn't know where to sit. Our usual seats, middle,front, with ...
Comments
Post a Comment