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Things I need to work on

Things I need to work on. Forgiveness. I need to look on those who have hurt me, intentionally or not. Out of lack of understanding or malice. I need to forgive. I have received forgiveness from people who I have hurt due to not being able to forgive their unintentional harm. I opened my bible at random and the study section is healing relationships. The key is forgiveness. The suggestions are: A truthful view of the offense, neither downplaying or exaggerating. I think this maybe where I am struggling. My mind exaggerates at the moment. Problems seem much larger than they are. However, I am also vulnerable. I am vulnerable to being convinced things are just in my head. I manage to do both in the same thought. Acknowledge the hurt and emotions that come with that. I have been hurt. I have felt judged, abandoned, lost, despised and abnormal. I have felt alone in my suffering and unwanted. Forgive freely. I forgive those whose actions have hurt me, whether intentionally or not. Confess: God I am sorry. Rather than falling to you I have held on to bitterness and resentment. They have made me behave in ways that do not bring you glory. Please restore me and allow me to move forward. I really pray the relationships that are on shaky ground can be restored and thankful for those who love me when I don't deserve love. Forgiving myself This one is trickier. I see my actions as both reasonable and abhorrent. As a self critic more often the latter. I dwell. I wore it makes me a bad person. I worry people will think I am a bad person. I worry I am not the kind and servant hearted friend I was once thought of. I hate myself for not recognising the needs of my friends. Not responding the way I should. I try to think of ways to make it better. I apologise but feel no relief. Thing is I know none of us are good. Even those full of grace, and who shine love and competency in everything they do. I know the great thing about confessing is that it is all covered. God has sorted it. I know this. I truly and deeply believe this. It is so hard still to live this. I need to work on this.
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