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I thought you understood

I thought you understood how hard this was. I thought my sadness wouldn't be met with frustrated sighs and "I don't know what to say". Just saying you know it's hard. That it's not my fault. That it is ok to be heartbroken about this. I know its hard for you. I know that the initial help with dinners, shoulders to cry on, people washing up and hanging up the washing have long since dwindled. People can pull it out the bag for a short while, chronic illness is another matter. You too have been abandoned by those who to begin with wanted to help. Now it's you on your own. There were no offers to babysit me this time around. I can't explain it. My heart feels like it's breaking. It's a horrible pain that I just can't shift. Mixed with my general level of sadness and generally negative view of the world I realise I am a pain in the arse. Sometimes you just can't cover up how disappointed with me you are. How you have just run out of ideas and energy. I have nobody else anymore. Nobody else to share this with. I don't want to burden you in the same way. I feel a burden. I know this isn't how it was meant to be. I'm sorry for that. You deserve so much more than this.

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