I am very isolated.
When I first became ill people rallied. I was encouraged regularly, I was encouraged to throw myself into voluntary work and being around people. There were regular visits, texts and cuddles. People gave my husband time off caring.
People seem to have come to a similar conclusion to me. Recovery is taking too long. Texts and visits tailed off. I lost my village. It's hard being the friend of someone miserable, especially when they stop leaving the house.
I desperately want those relationships back. I'm not in a position to go chasing them. All I want to do is curl up in bed until the children come home from school, then return as soon as possible after they go to bed. I can't go on nights out, to church, to parties. I still feel a need, and I think it's quite healthy, for human contact and compassion.
Thank you to the few who still try to interact. Apologies to those I've pushed too far away.
Pretty much exactly 5 months after my last church attendance I returned today. Since my last time I had only seen 3 people from the congregation face to face. People who live in my town. Who I've seen at least twice a week for years, I'd seen so few of them. Children had grown. Newborn babies now starting to move. Barely bumps now earth side. There were a few new faces too. We decided to go today because we had been invited for Sunday lunch by a couple from church. The sweet, kind hearted, godly doctor who was on duty the weekend I was first taken to hospital. I didn't give myself a choice this morning. I'd set up an excuse not to go for lunch already. Our car was broken. It was true, it was, but I knew it would be fixed in time to go. So I got up and we went. I'd spoken with my counsellor about not feeling it was my home any longer. That I wasn't part of the fellowship anymore. That physically I didn't know where to sit. Our usual seats, middle,front, with ...
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