Having left hospital myself and getting the train straight to London to take over care of my son after surgery I remain more positive. Sleep still evades me at night and calls me during the day. Anxiety is still causing isolation. After 7 months of constant suicidal thought they have been gone several days now. I'm still hurting. I'm angry and hurt to still be 'exiled' by my friend. I don't know if that will ever go away completely. My husband and I are talking more, he's definitely being more sensitive. Perhaps we can both see an end to the tunnel of the past few months.
Our boy is getting better every day thankfully. Our house remains a bit of a bomb site with it having been abandoned in a rush and both of us feeling pretty exhausted by the worry and trauma of the past couple of weeks.
How do you get better? How do you recover? Do you suddenly wake with hope? Do you feel differently? Do you just notice after it has happened? What is recovery? Is recovery real? How long does recovery take? Is it even possible? How will I know what recovery looks like? Why does it take so long? So long I gave up hope. What do I need to do now? To end this nightmare forever. I don't know how much longer I can bear this. How can I continue? To face another day. It feels like this will never end. They say it happens slowly. That recovery is possible for me. Do they really know that? Can it really be true? Is recovery possible? Is there a flicker of hope? Or is it just a fairy tale that's not truth? Each day that passes by, Hope slips further away. I feel this is life forever. The tunnel light seems dimmer. No hope, no light, just darkness forever more. I cannot see past this. The pain overwhelms me. I'm deep in a pit of despair. Recovery is a ...
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