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You will get better

Saw my usual psychiatrist today. You have depression. You will get better. There is no label to give you that is helpful. You will be happy. You will work again. Normality will resume. This will go just like it came. I feel a little more positive. I've delayed my plans from tonight until Friday when I meet my new counsellor. Despite these helpful words I still fail to see a future where I will ever be productive, return to my work both paid and voluntary. To reconnect with my friends and my faith. All I really see is this being forever. Either feeling nothing or desperate sadness. A life where I serve others. Where I can resume social activities I once enjoyed. When my friends are not afraid of the answer when they ask "How are you?". When this will just be a bad memory rather than a living hell. When I can pray and go to church and feel comfortable and loved and grow rather than shame and anxiety. It seems as impossible as me climbing mount Everest.

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