Skip to main content

Hold on

My counsellor shared a poem with me yesterday. Below is the ending.

Hold on to life even when it is easier to let go.

Letting go isn't easy. Letting go is hard. It seems easier than holding on. Some days I just feel so tired of holding on. So weak.

Holding on isn't a long term solution. Think of holding onto a cliff edge.  You hold on and on and on. You don't want to go crashing into the rocks below. You are too weak to pull yourself up, or the shelf is too narrow or out of reach. Your only option is to be rescued. You cannot hold on forever. Your weight is too heavy for your arms to manage. If rescue doesn't come you will eventually have no choice but to let go.

Just at that moment someone hears you call for help. They want to help. They don't want to see you fall. They stay with you and reassure you somebody will come and save you. They want to but they don't have a rope, or long enough arms.

They do have a phone! They know someone who is really good at tying knots. He must have a rope. We will get you safe they promise.

The person who can tie knots has a rope but it isn't quite long enough for the job. They know someone else with a rope though and will ask them to help as soon as they see them.

The person who is on top of the cliff reassures you. Help is coming. Someone is coming.

The person with the rope only gets half the message. Please go to the cliff. When he arrives he doesn't have the rope. Nobody said anything about a rope. What are we expecting him to do about this without a rope?  He maybe able to tell you how you could use a rope if you had one? Then you don't need him, you will have the skills to help yourself.

You still don't have a rope. There is still nobody who can save you and the only person who heard you cry for help doesn't have the materials to help you and although has read about cliff rescue, he really isn't an expert. 

He offers you his hand though. This buys a bit of time. Somebody does care. Somebody is risking their safety and giving their time. You are heavy though and as comforting as holding his hand is, he just can't hold you anymore.

You let go. You fall to the rocks. The first man watches, devastated that after the time he's spent reassuring you he would help you, you fell anyway.

The man with the rope that was too small writes a report describing how whilst he had a rope and knew how to tie knots , he knew the rope was too small and so had nothing to offer.

The man who forgot to bring the rope, says he didn't get the message about bringing a rope. There had been communication difficulties. He was busy and didn't have time to read the message, and anyway, the rope was stored in the loft and it would have been time consuming to get it. Besides he told you how to climb up. He told you how the rope would have helped you. If only you had listened harder to the climbing instructions. Really you didn't want to be saved did you?

Whilst the first man couldn't save you, your last memory was being cared for. You didn't die alone.  He made a difference but he couldn't save you.

Hold onto my hand, even when I go away from you.

Being heard is important. Being loved is important. Even if you can't be saved.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tomorrow a Poem.

Tomorrow is a new day, Full of new promises, When you rush through the day, Tomorrow is always there to say, Don't worry tomorrow it can be done, Tomorrow we can try again. Tomorrow's exciting promise, Every morning when you wake. A bit more time to finish today. More time to play They say Don't leave till tomorrow, Why you can do today. Sometimes tomorrow seems the same. Tomorrow is so different from today. No joy before you settle down, Tomorrow you'll still feel like you'll drown. What if tomorrow never came? What if today was the end. Would you regret the things you put off? Would you ponder if that phonecall, That text, that knock on the door, Shouldn't have been tomorrow's chore? Would you beg for another tomorrow? Would you mourn your yesterday. Today someone needs you. That phone call can't wait. A chat, a cuddle, a hand to hold, Responding may mean more than gold. So don't put it off, don't delay. Someone'
2 comments
Read more

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is not new to me. When I was in 6th form and was suffering huge family upheaval (3 house moves in years, new baby, new step dad, new siblings, contact issues with birth father, mother with severe postnatal depression and step dad going (successfully) back to rehab) the school nurse was asked to help me with my anxiety levels. She talked me through what I later learned (10 years later) was a mindfulness body scan. I was reminded of this whenever I met an anxious mother and would talk them through this meditation. One day, whilst myself working as a school nurse I came across the nurse who taught me this technique. She didn't remember me, and was now working in mental health. A mother praised how I had helped her with relaxation techniques in a meeting we were both attending. I admitted after the meeting that it was this lady who had taught me when I was 17 and anxious. I revisited relaxation during my first pregnancy. Hideous hyperemesis     consumed me. My mood low a
1 comment
Read more

Only you can save you

It was said kindly and it's true. Nobody can make me feel differently, except me. It lays heavy on my heart and has done all afternoon. I can't do it. I have tried. I have tried 'health visitor-ing' myself. I repeat scriptures over and over. I say to myself and my inner child that I am loved, lovable, precious and good enough. I have prayed for strength. I have prayed for peace. I've waited. I've tried my hardest to leave my pain, my shame, my failings at the foot of the cross. I listen to other Christians who repeat over and over I must trust God. That this will be OK, no brilliant, in the end. I say it over and over. Yet my heart is heavy. Not metaphorically either. It feels like a stone crushing my chest, restricting my breathing sometimes. It hurts. I know that none of you can pick me up and make this go away, even if you wanted to. Listening to me, holding me, it helps. It doesn't fix it though. I can't change my attitude towards myself. I do
Post a Comment
Read more