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Though my mind is still racing I am finding words difficult to come by. My motivation still lacking, tears flow less often now, I don't allow myself to feel anymore. I crave normality but it seems so far away. I feel terrified all the time. Terrified of never finding normality and health. Terrified of having to start again, of never repairing relationships and of going back to hospital. Terrified of the pills I take, of the words I might say, or the way people think of me. I try to see recovery. Imagine what life may be like, remember what life was like. Look for the hope and trust and joy I once had. When feeling and sharing feelings didn't bring loss. Loss of friends, vocation and liberty.

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