Motherhood, Madness, God and Me

My girl is growing up. She is not as grown up as many of her friends. Fashion isn't something she cares about. She tries to join in about music. She can have very adult conversations 1 to 1 and if there's a baby around she's a lot more competent and capable than quite a few first time parents. Tonight we went to a concert with a group of girls from her class. These girls love her even though she's weird and grumpy, and whilst there are sometimes a few issues at school they seem pretty normal for 8 year old girls. Tonight I cried. I cried with joy that these girls wanted to include my girl. That they looked past the spinning and the ear defenders and kept encouraging her to join in. I cried that she was joining in and dancing with her friends. I cried with relief that she didn't physically hurt somebody when it got too much for her. I cried with sadness that she stands out. Whilst the other girls danced and danced, my girl stopped. She stood dead still and star...

Today I received a report, which despite quoting sections of three medical reports supporting my daughter having sensory processing difficulties (fact) and behaviours which may be indicative of autism, stated her behaviour was a result of "what she has witnessed in the home". The author also stated she has no evidence of this. I straight away messaged my go to friend for "slightly odd kid" discussions, a friend I met 7 years ago when our daughters were babies. This lady has a knack for fighting and honestly I don't know what I'd do without her when times are tough with my daughter. There is a lot of research and anecdotal evidence of girls masking their autism at school. Excellent chameleons they are able to copy their peers and behave the same. It is often not officially diagnosed until adolescence by which time they usually have other mental health difficulties due to lack of support. Pretending is tiring so once they get home the 'break out'. ...