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Young Carers

Today my husband had a carers' meeting. He didn't find it particularly useful and mainly discussed the care of our 8 year old with autism. He did consent to both our children being referred to young carers. Our 5 year old on the basis he misses out, adapts his behaviour and suffers due to his sister's condition. Our daughter as my carer. I'm furious. Perhaps that shows I don't understand the impact my illness has on them. I don't think that's true though. I more than most understand. She does not care for me. They do not know I am ill now I am home. I care for them. They have no extra responsibility and their opportunities are not reduced. If anything, by being off sick I am more available, I see them more, we play more, I'm at school more. It's shaken me. Again I stand accused of ruining my children's childhoods. I'm left feeling that yet again my best efforts haven't been enough and feeling like I really can't keep on being reminded, being blamed, being responsible for this horrible part of our lives. Feeling that if this is how I am seen, remembered and known that I really don't see the point in living. This will never go away. My neighbours, my kids' teachers, my family, church and friends only seeing this, not me. Only remembering me as the mentally ill one who kept ending up being locked away. This is now my reality.

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