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Motherhood

I spend a lot of time talking about Madness, God and Me but less time on motherhood. As a little girl all I wanted to be was a mummy. I imagined having loads of children, I had names planned in my head and everything. Even before we were married I imagined life with a gorgeous toddler jumping in puddles. Many children for us is sadly not to be. My mental health being the main reason. We have 2 lovely children and I am grateful for that. They are funny. My son is polite and kind. He is an old head and enjoys conversations. He wants to be a teacher or an engineer. My daughter is a bundle of passion, feeling things deeply. She is an incredible artist. They are both resilient, coping well with me being in hospital. I worry I am not enough. I worry for their future mental health. Motherhood is the biggest area I doubt myself in. Tonight was a tough night. My son was messing around at bedtime. I was told I was too cross so I came away and cried. I am so far away from the mother I dreamed of being, so far away from the type of mother my friend is and I try to emulate. So far from the godly parent the bible models. In short, as I feared not good enough. These amazing little people deserve the best. I'm just not sure I can be that for them.
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