Skip to main content

Heartache

Did you know heartache can be a physical pain? You are overwhelmed with sadness and in your chest you feel your heart breaking. Now I have a Batchelor of Science, I know my heart is not really being torn in two. It feels like it. The pain in my chest when I become overwhelmed. Heart ache is real. It physically hurts. As tears roll silently down my face I want to scream out in pain. Death would be a welcome relief both from the physical pain and the emotional. I cry out to God. I feel so distant from others. My friends, my family. I desperately want to feel their love but interactions seem to remind me that I am being punished. That nobody understands. I desperately want to share these feelings. Nobody understands though. That makes the heartache worse. I know I am not alone. God hears my cry. Today we ended Psalm 119. When all your emotional connection feels distant you can still rely on the unchanging word of God. So I repeat truth from the bible. I remind myself I am covered in grace. I am forgiven. God hears me. Jesus has already saved me. I remember my daughter's bible study for when you are wrongly accused. God knows the truth. My heart beats a bit slower, I feel a bit calmer. The heartache still remains though.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tomorrow a Poem.

Tomorrow is a new day, Full of new promises, When you rush through the day, Tomorrow is always there to say, Don't worry tomorrow it can be done, Tomorrow we can try again. Tomorrow's exciting promise, Every morning when you wake. A bit more time to finish today. More time to play They say Don't leave till tomorrow, Why you can do today. Sometimes tomorrow seems the same. Tomorrow is so different from today. No joy before you settle down, Tomorrow you'll still feel like you'll drown. What if tomorrow never came? What if today was the end. Would you regret the things you put off? Would you ponder if that phonecall, That text, that knock on the door, Shouldn't have been tomorrow's chore? Would you beg for another tomorrow? Would you mourn your yesterday. Today someone needs you. That phone call can't wait. A chat, a cuddle, a hand to hold, Responding may mean more than gold. So don't put it off, don't delay. Someone...
2 comments
Read more

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is not new to me. When I was in 6th form and was suffering huge family upheaval (3 house moves in years, new baby, new step dad, new siblings, contact issues with birth father, mother with severe postnatal depression and step dad going (successfully) back to rehab) the school nurse was asked to help me with my anxiety levels. She talked me through what I later learned (10 years later) was a mindfulness body scan. I was reminded of this whenever I met an anxious mother and would talk them through this meditation. One day, whilst myself working as a school nurse I came across the nurse who taught me this technique. She didn't remember me, and was now working in mental health. A mother praised how I had helped her with relaxation techniques in a meeting we were both attending. I admitted after the meeting that it was this lady who had taught me when I was 17 and anxious. I revisited relaxation during my first pregnancy. Hideous hyperemesis     consumed me...
1 comment
Read more

Good deeds or Prayer?

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. (James 2:14 to 17) We know that we are saved by grace alone but sometimes our prayers are not enough. Our works are how God shows His love through us as Christians. I'm drawn to the parable of the Good Samaritan. I cannot fathom how mature, educated and usually servant hearted Christians can excuse physically turning away from a suffering church member. I am truly trying to understand how this action can be seen as loving, biblical or even humane. Removing previous support and care in a time of great trial and need. It is not God I am questioning. It is that this decision is accepted by...
Post a Comment
Read more