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indecisive

I am finding it so hard to make a decision. There's a terrible pressure to make the right one. My stubbornness, my fears that my children won't continue to learn the truth, fear my husband loses his valuable support network, my longing for life to go back to normal and my difficulty in working out which path God wants us to take. If God wants us to stay put why is it so hard? If he wants us to move on why is my heartbreaking so much that I can't bear to leave? Do I follow the advice of my counsellor? Say my piece in a letter and then walk away? Or do I wait for a meeting, be quiet and get on with it? Or do I turn up as if nothing happened, accept things will never be the same and continue being blamed. I don't want to fight. I'm tired. Not fighting doesn't seem an option though. Forgetting my voice and all I have been trying to learn the past few months. That I do have a voice. I am allowed to use it. That I can show emotion. That I don't have to take the blame for others. I want a resolution. I don't want this uncertainty. I need others to help me with this if it is too be resolved, or I will have to move on to get an end to this situation.

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