Skip to main content

indecisive

I am finding it so hard to make a decision. There's a terrible pressure to make the right one. My stubbornness, my fears that my children won't continue to learn the truth, fear my husband loses his valuable support network, my longing for life to go back to normal and my difficulty in working out which path God wants us to take. If God wants us to stay put why is it so hard? If he wants us to move on why is my heartbreaking so much that I can't bear to leave? Do I follow the advice of my counsellor? Say my piece in a letter and then walk away? Or do I wait for a meeting, be quiet and get on with it? Or do I turn up as if nothing happened, accept things will never be the same and continue being blamed. I don't want to fight. I'm tired. Not fighting doesn't seem an option though. Forgetting my voice and all I have been trying to learn the past few months. That I do have a voice. I am allowed to use it. That I can show emotion. That I don't have to take the blame for others. I want a resolution. I don't want this uncertainty. I need others to help me with this if it is too be resolved, or I will have to move on to get an end to this situation.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Tomorrow a Poem.

Tomorrow is a new day, Full of new promises, When you rush through the day, Tomorrow is always there to say, Don't worry tomorrow it can be done, Tomorrow we can try again. Tomorrow's exciting promise, Every morning when you wake. A bit more time to finish today. More time to play They say Don't leave till tomorrow, Why you can do today. Sometimes tomorrow seems the same. Tomorrow is so different from today. No joy before you settle down, Tomorrow you'll still feel like you'll drown. What if tomorrow never came? What if today was the end. Would you regret the things you put off? Would you ponder if that phonecall, That text, that knock on the door, Shouldn't have been tomorrow's chore? Would you beg for another tomorrow? Would you mourn your yesterday. Today someone needs you. That phone call can't wait. A chat, a cuddle, a hand to hold, Responding may mean more than gold. So don't put it off, don't delay. Someone...

Good deeds or Prayer?

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. (James 2:14 to 17) We know that we are saved by grace alone but sometimes our prayers are not enough. Our works are how God shows His love through us as Christians. I'm drawn to the parable of the Good Samaritan. I cannot fathom how mature, educated and usually servant hearted Christians can excuse physically turning away from a suffering church member. I am truly trying to understand how this action can be seen as loving, biblical or even humane. Removing previous support and care in a time of great trial and need. It is not God I am questioning. It is that this decision is accepted by...

Please Pray. An Easter Story

Sometimes getting out of bed is so hard. Like really, really hard. The thought of facing people and pretending you are full of Easter joy when inside your heart is certainly not focused on the gift of the resurrection but instead on how much people hurt you. How continued rejection and lack of encouragement overwhelm you and you fall foul of your sinful heart again and again and again. Please pray for me. I don't need likes or replies, I need prayer. I need to stop hoping in people. Even Christians. I need to empty my heart of the illusion I should matter to anyone else. I need to be satisfied with the love of God only. I need an Easter miracle. Or to remember I've already had one. Please pray for me.