Times like these

They say when the going gets tough you find out who your friends are. I accepted that. I knew that some people. Some friends, acquaintances, colleagues, family members would not be supportive. I had confidence though that some people would certainly stay put. No doubt. Even if I had a little wobble, I would be quickly reassured that they loved me and weren't going anywhere. Anyone who has read the blog will know that this didn't last. That people who I was certain would get me through, for whatever reason, didn't. Most days it hurts my heart. However there are others. Others who if I was asked a year ago wouldn't have crossed my mind as those to be holding me. My cousin. My totally mental, loud, foul mouthed cousin. We were so different growing up. You were cleverer but I was more conscientious. I was angelic, you were full of trouble! I was polite. You were cheeky. I through myself into study, you took a different path. We grew up together until our early teens when your life fell apart in flames and blood and drama and mine fell apart in secret. It would be several years before we saw each other regularly again. When we gave birth just 3 weeks apart. I began to see that, whilst your life remained loud and chaotic and mine still held a semblance of middle class normality, our minds are remarkably similar. Our insecurities, our annoyances, our anxieties pretty much identical. You are my closest confidante because I know you will understand. I know that you love me and I love you. I am so grateful to have you and so very proud of how hard you have worked for your beautiful girls to have a better life than we did. You have done that alone. BP. I've not known you long. You are so normal, honest and down to earth. You shine God's love in everything you do but in such a real, raw way. That is some gift. You are sensible, empathetic and genuinely interested in other people. It is through you I have been experiencing the God I know rather than the church. You have shown His love, compassion and grace but in a realistic way. Not expecting anything. Knowing life is hard and that praying harder won't necessarily bring peace anytime soon. You shine Jesus practically, rather than theoretically. Thank you. Maybe our friendship was part of His plan. That I could encounter a christian woman who is so quietly servant hearted, so full of the holy spirit yet so human and honest. Perhaps I have been aspiring to be the wrong type of Christian. Perhaps that's what I needed to learn. HP. I'd never really spoken to you in 2 years at the office but on my first day back you offered me a shoulder to cry on. Again,like Becky, you are so human and real. You get angry. You fight for the right thing and are not swayed by authority. Yet you are not difficult in aggressive whilst you do it. When I left and then became very unwell you happened to contact me. I was hiding. Ashamed. My family didn't even know I had been taken into hospital for a while. I blurted it out to you. Regretting it almost immediately but you listened and loved me. I wasn't letting people visit. Just my closest friend and husband. You came anyway and I am so blessed to now call you my friend. You are honest with me and you try to understand. You are not a church member but you have helped me back towards God. You are thoughtful and kind and I don't know what I would do without you. SC! We clicked quickly, similar only in age to the outside. You are wilder and more adventurous but oh so wise! You made going to that place bearable. Really. I'd have gone long before without you! Your gift to me has been normality. And Ben, because let's face it Ben can cheer anyone up, especially Ben talking and you listening. Those expressions are priceless. You give me a shake when I need it, but gently. Plus you sound funny because you are from the north! My kids love you and you don't seem to mind them either! Thanks Sarah for just being you!