A hug

Therapeutic touch is an interesting subject. As a paediatric nursing student we did discuss it. We talked about massage in palliative care. We talked about holding distressed babies. Holding the hand of a parent was second nature as they sat outside resus waiting for news of their seriously ill child.

Off the ward it seemed less acceptable. Had times changed or was it just a different environment? Often Health visitors were referred to as a hands off profession. Parents picked babies up and put on the scales. The official line seemed to be we weren't to sit and have a cuddle. It always felt naughty when a parent thrust their child into my arms whilst they went to make a bottle or get the red book!

I would sometimes think of all those babies I rocked and sang to during night shifts and how it would have been wrong not to do that.

Sometimes I would want to reach out and hold a hand. I never did. It seemed too much. Crossing boundaries.

Today I realised something. I have often just felt the need for a hug. Sometimes touch is important along with kind, validating words. Today my counsellor hugged me. She had once before, in a friendly, hello type way. Today she was holding me. She was mothering me. She was saying I mattered and I was loved. It shouldn't be up to someone who is paid to talk to you to do that, but she did. It was a proper mum hug that didn't feel in the slightest bit strange. It wasn't forced. It made me feel safe and made me realise that no amount of trying to self sooth by hugging yourself can compare to a genuine cuddle. It felt afterwards that I mattered. It felt like I hadn't felt like that for a long time. Held and loved.

There were lots of things that made a difference today but not being afraid to offer touch to soothe someone in distress was one of the most important things and it has made me reflect on how my practice changed over time.  I guess it is a fine line. It's not really something to gain consent for. It makes it clinical and forced, yet it's not something everyone will be comfortable with.

To be honest I usually do feel quite awkward and don't know what to do or say if a playground mum comes up and hugs you, or an acquaintance from decades ago. It's a tricky situation to read.

Therapeutic touch is important. We soothe distressed infants, we rub better bumped heads and hands. We like comfort from our spouse or children. I don't think I will ever be a happy, hands on health visitor, but I might consider reaching out for a hand now.

Thank you Susanna for showing your compassion to me this afternoon.